Challenge #3: Rock the Bells concert

This was another step in the right direction. When I first got here, I was sweating like crazy cuz it was super hot and crowded. I started getting nervous and decided to leave right away. But I calmed myself down and stayed for 2-3 hours. I had a lot of fun especially seeing Pharcyde. Thanks to Lyla for being supportive during the anxiety attacks. And, thanks to Cyn for the tickets!

Things to Remember

There are a few things that I took away from last weekend that I shouldn't forget.

1. No matter how much I stress and worry and panic the day before a challenging event, I can get through the event. The day before moving day, I was extremely stressed and worried that I couldn't be counted on to drive the cargo van. I even panicked and cancelled lunch with Christian. I thought that panic was a sign of the failure to come. But it turned out much better than I expected.

2. That tingling hands and feet do not, in any way, decrease my ability to use those limbs. I was afraid that they would go stiff and not be able to drive. But it turns out that I can still move my arm. In fact, I prove it to myself by dancing a little.

3. That I can get a good night's sleep the day before a big event. This sort of thing may not be big to you guys, but I was super nervous about it. But somehow I was able to get 8 hours of sleep the night before. I used relaxation techniques and reminded myself that I could get through the day even without sleep. That took the pressure off me to fall asleep and thus allowed me to relax enough to eventually doze off.

I need to use this success as a jumping point to even more difficult challenges. I think the best way to do that is to keep the above in mind to give me strength.

Super tested this weekend

My anxiety was tested a great deal this weekend. I think I drove about 200 miles total this weekend. Maybe more. Here were the uncomfortable tasks:

1. Driving to the airport as a passenger.
2. Driving a cargo van from the airport to Santa Clara.
3. Loading the cargo van with boxes in hot weather.
4. Driving the cargo van from Santa Clara to Union City (30 miles).
5. Unloading the cargo van; weather was better in Union City though.
6. Driving the van from Union City back to Santa Clara (30 miles again).
7. Loading the van again.
8. Driving the van from Santa Clara to San Jose (15 miles).
9. Unloading the van.
10. Dropping off the van back at the airport and waiting at the airport to be picked up by Lyla.
11. Being a passenger in Lyla's car, picking up her friend in San Jose, dropping her friend off in a new area I've never been.
12. Passenger in Lyla's car Driving back to Santa Clara to pick up some final stuff.
13. Driving to San Jose in my own car.

The most difficult task by far was driving the cargo van to Union City. That sucker was huge. Plus it only had two windows in the front, but none in the back, so the blind spots made it difficult to change lanes. About halfway through the trip, I began to feel pretty nervous. I felt my hands go numb and my legs tingle. I also felt my stomach turn. By the time I got to Lyla's aunt's house, I was pretty shook up. But after that, I felt fine driving the van.

I just kept taking deep breaths and reminding myself that the symptoms cannot harm me and that eventually they pass. I feel like I can do so much more now.